Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
