he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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