the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
