The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
