Kiss
Puke
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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