wakey wakey hands off snakey
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
