I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bring me that man meat
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
