Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
