Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize