No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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