I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have fence marks all over my body
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
