we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
