You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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