It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
