she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
