I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
