Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I would fuck him just for his dog
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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