My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
