Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
