I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
