You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
