she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
