Tell her she can't have a vagina
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
