i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
