I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
