I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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