butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
