I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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