just tell him i said nine months
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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