Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
