Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
