help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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