There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
