No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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