So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
