she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
