when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
