i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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