i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
