My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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