Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
