Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
