OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
