Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
