Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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