i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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