forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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