I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
