why didn't you poke me back
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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