DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
