Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My dick has a subreddit
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
