community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
