there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
