She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
