i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize