home. puking in laundry basket.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
