I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
