Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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