First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
