im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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