you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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