i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
