In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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