Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
