So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
