yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
