Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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