yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
