This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize