I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize