careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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