I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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