at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
