im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
