morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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